Tanya has decided to call it quits after getting through 6 months of a 2-year working visa in London.
Her decision to leave the overpopulated Dickensian shithole was largely due to the unaffordability of London on her social media intern wage. The disgusting weather didn’t help either.
Now she’s home, she has wasted no time catching up with her mates to brag about her boho-lifestyle in ol London town. Alas, she has managed to up her cuntiness ten fold by trying to pass off a slight British accent when she speaks.
We spoke to her friend who wasn’t buying the new accent for a second. Adding,
“You don’t pick up a new accent at the age of 27 when you live in a new place for 6 months. That’s not a thing she just thinks she sounds cool and I won’t lie it has really made me re-evaluate my friendship with her”
Her friend noticed that Tanya’s accent seemed to flare up when using irritating Britishisms such as “I was sat there”, “brill”, “to be fair”, “ride the tube” and even referring to a bandaid as a “plaster”.
Horrific stuff. We asked Tanya whether she thought she had an accent and she denied it. Adding,
“To be fair, it’s just one of those things, innit? I think what you’re hearing in my voice is just a bit of sophistication. That happens when you leave little old Perth, bless it”
Sophistication wasn’t the word that came to mind. We asked Tanya’s father what he thought of her daughter’s new shtick. He held back tears,
“I noticed it happening about 3 weeks into her trip. I just wrote it off as being a product of her environment but she’s been back for quite a bit of time now and she still puts on that stupid fkn accent. I dare say I have no daughter, I mean British? Turn it up!”
We can report that several weeks have passed and there are no signs of Tanya slowing down on her new identity.
Tragic.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
