It’s always an ominous event when the Great Perth Fog visits us. Naturally, it summons some terrifying monsters. Let’s check them out.
1. The silent stalker
To some, the occurrence of low visibility conditions fails to light a fire under their sense or safety arse. An operator who figures the road can always benefit from the element of surprise!
The surprise is that you won’t see him as you go to merge on the Freeway and end up in a mechanical-centipede situation. Will they learn their lesson? God no, they will just continue to cruise through foggy days like submarines looking for their next vehicular Pearl Harbour.
2. Captain LED Headlight / Spotties
On the complete other side of the spectrum is the driver who believes you can never have enough illumination. Even if said illumination blinds every other driver who has the misfortune of crossing his path.
Usually, an over-the-top camping rig that would be better suited to bush bashing in the Kalgoorlie wilderness than driving up the Freeway on a foggy morning. Beware as they will also likely have tailgate issues. More on this maverick HERE.
3. Swift driving trying to capture a photo of the fog while driving
They may be trying to get a snap for the gram or just to show all their friends how “crazy” it is. Tell you what is crazy, pissfarting around on your phone trying to get a photo when you can barely see 10m ahead of you.
It’s easy to hate on them but for a minute consider this. What if their act of driving negligence is to provide a powerful PSA to all their friends not on the roads about the road conditions? Ha! Checkmate. Practically a saint! More on swift drivers HERE.
4. Bus driver with no time for this low visibility malarky
Driving to the conditions are for people who don’t have a schedule. So get the fark out of his way, son. Unlike some of the other monsters on this list, the stressed bus driver is your fault. We all created him with our rubbernecking, humpty dumptying, and general poor driving.
In a perfect world, the bus driver would be a peaceful entity. Alas, this is not a perfect world and if you know what’s good for you, you’d better keep a 3rd eye on what old mate is doing at all times. Especially on The Terrace. More on this animal HERE.
5. Scooter douche
Speaking of the CBD, it will be crawling with scooter douches in the fog. They combine all the charms of the silent stalker with the added benefit of being a risk to both themselves on the road and pedestrians on the footpath.
Oh yeah baby, the scooter douche is an all-terrain, silent-riding chaos torpedo who has at least 10 near misses with office workers every day. You’ll never see it coming, you’ll just get bumped into a bus shelter as you see that slick-pimp ride off with his suit/new balance combo with a backpack.
6. Inconsiderate dog walker
Moving away from the roads is a truly insidious creature of the fog. Swooping on the opportunity to take their dog for a walk in the low visibility conditions so they can easily dodge the responsibility of picking up their dog’s disgusting shit left behind.
Beware of a popular dog park during the great Perth fog. It will be less of a beautiful patch of grass to walk on and more of a minefield that you’ll be completely vulnerable in due to the visibility conditions. Monsters, absolute monsters. More on the inconsiderate dog owner HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?