Whether you’re a young family, a hippie that’s been priced out of South Freo or a trolley pole wielding criminal, Hami Hill has something for everybody. An exciting southern oasis that will never have you off your toes.
Volunteer for service on the Phoenix Rd border
For years, the good people of Hami Hill have lived with an uneasy truce with Spearwood. Both Pheonix & Rockingham Rd provide easy access for Spearwoodian vandals to wreak chaos and sow the seeds of 6163 tension.
So how about you do your bit? Head on down to Pheonix Rd and put your body on the line to defend the hill. Please note there is high chance someone will make you skip, dance or piss. Lick your wounds and be proud you did something important with your life.
Release the shackles of responsible dog ownership at Manning Park
Manning Park is the watering hole that every entitled pet owner comes to quench their thirst for infuriating pet etiquette. To that end, you will have to choose your poison – will you be a leashless shrieking harpee? Perhaps you’re more interesting in leaving sloppy land mines around for the unsuspecting foot?
It truly is an all-you-can-cunt-buffet and if you’re called out for any of your bullshit simply blame a Spearwood resident. Not their pet, the resident themselves as they are known to drop their dacks and lay cable at Manning Park, according to Hami Hill residents, that is.
Get scabbin’
The best part about scabbing in Hami Hill is you don’t even need to wait until the two designated days per year. There is always a rich collection of discarded shit on the verge. Mostly because some residents have been hardcore hoarding since the 70s.
So get a tetanus shot and live your best scab-life – and remember in Hami Hill, the “verge” stretches all the way into the backyard of a dwelling. Just be careful not to become a walking tin of Chum for the resident attack-hound.
Develop a food allergy or love of healing crystals
A neighbourhood doesn’t simply border on South Freo without being infected with a chronic case of new-ageitis. Younger hippies love Hami Hill and there’s no shortage of sea shepherd nests to entice your inner woo-woo.
Amaze your friends with your new found inability to digest white bread after just one day in sunny Hami Hill. Alternatively, reinvigorate your love-chakra with a yonic love crystal. Anything goes in Hami Hill.
Enjoy some Gentricuntation
Perhaps you’re just a young professional couple looking to buy your first house. Hami Hill offers you that chance – bargain prices for the “freo lifestyle”. However, being part of the great gentrification of Hami Hill comes with great responsibilities.
Get up in your local pollie’s arses about scaling back the public housing. Report anything that triggers your very sheltered definition of “suspicious”. Be the change you expect the world to make for you.
Have a stare off with an old Italian gentleman
Hami Hill and neighbouring Spearwood have a very generous peppering of older italian couples that have made parts a true terracotta paradise.
It would be unspeakably rude not to enjoy a stare off with them as they water their driveways, tend to their tomatoes or drink grappa that would easily be used to strip grease off old industrial equipment.
Explore the land that fashion trends forgot
HiVis & trackies, an old FUBU shirt that was waiting for you after your decade long stay at Hotel Hakea, a floral headband thingo… Fark, just go apeshit with it.
There are no rules. You literally cannot wear anything in Hami Hill to make you look out of place. It’s jsut that kind of suburb.
Get your old mate on
If you’re not smashing middies with the old mates at the Tav and then facefucking a classic tropicana pack then you’re aren’t living the Hami Hill dream.
There aren’t that many opportunities in Perth to enjoy a quick stumble to Roota after several hours of solving the world’s problems in the same pair of King Gee stubbies you’ve been wearing for 25 years. Some say they have actually adapted to the constant droplets of human piss and the golden liquid actually cleans them.