Prime Minister Anthony “Albo” Albanese has confirmed Labor’s greatest fears after pulling up sore after attending the Western Derby at Perth Stadium yesterday.
Albo joins an unenviable list of injuries from the game with half a dozen big names ruled out during the match. What makes his situation unique is that he acquired it while sipping on red wine with Nigel Satterly in the stands. A Labor spokesperson told The Times,
“Albo pulling a hammy just shows his commitment to WA and its culture. It was a real demolition derby with injuries popping up left, right & centre. So what a way for the PM to show solidarity”
Naturally, his critics are calling the injury a “strain” at best and reports it was a grade 3 tear have been greatly overstated. A spokesperson for the Opposition told The Times,
“Albo just playing it up for votes as per usual. Obviously, anyone attending the Western Derby was at high risk of soft tissue injuries but we are calling bullshit on a tear. Albo probably just doesn’t want to meet with Gina or whoever”
A Perth doctor has said they’d need to review the scans to determine the severity of the injury but congratulated the PM on his courage for not leaving at ¾ time. Despite the crippling leg pain he must’ve been feeling.
This news comes after reports that over 5000 WCE fans were hospitalised with soft tissue strains after trying to get away from Docker supporters after the game.
BREAKING: The next Derby will be played in the emergency department to save time