Deep Heat has been supplying Australians with pain relief cream for decades. Only now, however, have they acknowledged that Western Australians have different needs and released a new topical product: Dry Heat.
Dry Heat works in the same way as their flagship product Deep Heat except the heat felt in the trouble area is of a significantly more dry nature. A spokesperson told The Times,
“Obviously, when you apply any cream there is going to be a certain moistness that comes with that. Western Australians clearly don’t need that for their pain treatment so we have developed a cream that smears on dry and stays dry. It’s basically rubbing alcohol!”
A top sports scientist told us that he had been waiting for this product for years. Adding,
“A moist deep burn has never sat well with young athletes. They always tell me that they can handle the heat sensation but it just didn’t feel dry enough. You know how we love our heat dry as an Englishman’ shower tiles”
We spoke to an amateur footy player who tested the product on the weekend. He claims he was satisfied with the dryness of the heat sensation. Adding,
“I’m the guy who is always at least 3 coats deep. If your eyes aren’t watering when I’m stretching next to you then there’s a big problem. So I think it’s great they have finally tailored a product to my exact needs, you can already tell that the dryness of the heat heals my injuries faster”
Anyone from the Eastern States is advised to avoid the product at all costs. Application to a body not acclimated to the dryness of WA’s heat could lead to intense feelings of longing to live in Westralia and ultimately depression that you’re stuck in some Eastern State shithole.
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