Dramatic scenes unfolded in Toronto Airport today after authorities were tipped off about an Australian man who had concealed 10kg of Vegemite on and within his person.
For the uninitiated, the war on Vegemite is now considered a top priority for Canada and anyone caught attempting to smuggle the contraband in will receive a very stern apology as they are hauled off for punishment. It is banned due to the additional Vit B it’s packing.
Canadian customs officials told The Times that the Australian mule had Vegemite strapped to his body, inserted into his Hakea wallet and in swallowed frangers. Adding,
“He thought we wouldn’t notice all the Vegemite jars inserted into his rectum given the similarities Vegemite shares with excrement to a non-Australian but we got him and that’s a huge win for Canada, eh”
The seized contraband could have a street value of up to $100k as homesick Australians want to enjoy their favourite spread and also make non Aussies feel uncomfortable and watch them squirm when offered a bite.
After parading the criminal around for the media circus, Canadian authorities announced a new taskforce named the Rosey Cheeks Unit that would be conducting Operation Happy Little Vegemite.
Frankly, this is the sort of carry on we expected from America!
cheers for reading, if you’d like to support The Times drop a donation here: