A quiet suburban street in Perth’s south has been gripped by the grimey claw of bin-day fever. A coupla public holidays in a row have thrown the routine out and have left the local residents clambering for answers. Answers that aren’t that difficult to ascertain.
See, for the majority of the year, bin day is Monday. This is a holy day. A sacred day. A day when the residents can wash away their refuse-sins. Alas, Monday saw no action and yesterday wasn’t to be either. We spoke to Ron who had worked himself up into a trash-frenzy, telling The Times,
“WHEN IS MY BLOODY BIN GOING TO BE EMPTIED!!! I’M A RATEPAYER AND CAN’T EVEN GET THROUGH TO MY LOCAL COUNCIL. HEADS ARE GOING TO ROLL”
His energy has been matched by a bloke a few houses down the street that caught another neighbour’s boy trying to slip a bag of frozen seafood into his bin. He told The Times,
“I asked him if he wanted to die. Never seen a 14 year old piss himself so hard. So I turned the hose on him for good measure. I just sit in my front room looking at my bins now. Can’t trust any of these muppets anymore”
For others, taking their bins in until the correct day is a daunting task. With their bins already full of Xmas debris that is beginning to smell like Oscar the Grouch’s gooch. Nevertheless, leaving their bins out in the open is a recipe for bin-bandits to dump their loads.
We can report that at 9:00 am today, a neighbour on the street caused complete pandemonium as he was observed wheeling his bins out again. Ron told The Times,
“I told the wife that we were on. Surely this guy knows something. So I rushed out and got in his face. Asked him if he knew for a FACT that the bin men were coming. He said he didn’t know, so I shirt-fronted him”
Similarly, a local house of pissheads are desperate to get their recycling bin emptied due to the intense backlog of tins they have piling up in their outdoor area. A resident of the house told The Times,
“I can’t have that energy in me loife mate, all them cans looking at me. Judging me. I just get thirsty over the Xmas season. Is that a croiiiiimmmmeee? Someone please dispose of the evidence”
We can only hope for a swift resolution. Before something crazy happens.
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