A man who bases his entire personality around loudly typing “CASH IS KING!” has been admitted to hospital today after maintaining rock hard status since news of the Cloudstrike global outage broke.
According to doctors, the massive tech failure was like Xmas for the cash is king community and the exact validation they needed that any digital advances in life must be resisted.
The doctor told The Times,
“It was impossible to treat him because he kept refusing to consent to any treatment because I was a big pharma shill apparently. Every time he’d chant Cash is King his medical problem would get worse. I honestly thought this thing was going to blow. Veins popped to the max, he was very excited”
We spoke to the alumni of the school of hard knocks who had an ice pack on his woody with instructions to “ride it out”. He told The Times,
“You got any idea how hard it is to hide a stiffy like this as I went around to every business LAUGHING at their Eftpos systems being down? HA HA HA. “
Indeed, the man spent his entire day driving to every business on his boycott list that had decided to switch to a fully digital model.
While this gave him much satisfaction and ample blood to his little feller, it was the ability to spam comment sections of every single article on FB that really provided the structural support down there.
With the articles still streaming in, there is no relief in sight. While he admits he is getting “pretty sore” he has no intention of letting this go. In his words,
“This has been the best 3 days of my life”.
We have no doubt it is.