An innocent trip to visit her friends turned sinister this afternoon after Wendy was left wondering who tf shat themselves in her rental car as she cruised along the Swan River.
Wendy’s Perth friends played dumb for as long as they could as Wendy went through all the usual emotions – disgust, anger, and then fear someone desperately needed to get a colonoscopy. A friend in the car told The Times,
“It was a great stitch-up, we all denied making the odour and she said it must be her. After a bit of light-hearted joshing she threatened to pull the car over and spray us all with deodorant”
Finally, one of Wendy’s friends told her that it was just the Swan River and in the warmer months it loves to stink up the joint. However, it took some convincing. Another friend told The Times,
“She thought the story was the stitch-up, not the smell. She kept saying that everyone wants to live by the Swan River so why would they pay so much if it smells like a festival portaloo? We told her that was a fair point”
After the initial shock that someone would defile her rental car in such an egregious manner, Wendy felt like she’d been properly initiated into Perth. She told The Times,
“I really love Perth and want to move here. I can’t wait to take my parents for a drive one day and accuse them of something crawling up their arse and dying while on a lovely drive. This is such a wholesome Perth activity”
Indeed, the stink of the Swan is something every Western Australian prides themselves on. You won’t find a more beautiful yet pungent city river anywhere else in the world.
It’s so revered in WA culture that the City of South Perth actually bottled the essence and sell it as a cologne. It’s very popular, especially with people who can’t find the same foul odour overseas so they take it with them.
Well done, Wendy, you’re one of us.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?