The Liquor Licensing Authority has rushed to inform WA pubs that they are now legally required to give punters “adequate notice” of any showing of the State of Origin NRL match in WA locations.
The emergency measures come after a Perth man suffered a severe allergic reaction to the Maroons & Blues fest after entering his favourite watering hole for a bevvy. His brother told The Times,
“My brother is a good WA man. He just wanted a Swanny Gold after a hard day of keeping this fkn nation afloat. What he got was NRL. He collapsed on the floor and tried to call me *weeping in swan tears* he said he was scared and wanted me to help him. I couldn’t I fkn couldn’t I was stuck on the bloody Freeway wasn’t I???”
Luckily, the man was saved by a lifetime Eagles member who administered mouth to mouth re-sport-itation. He told The Times,
“He went blue for a bit and when I told him that he started going maroon-purple. You could tell he was deeply traumatised by the Kiwis and assorted east coast scum in the pub. I held his hand and reminded him there was a Jester’s pie waiting for him at the end of the rainbow”
The Pub in question has sincerely apologised and conceded that it should have done more to warn this poor WA punter. Adding,
“Times are tough in winter, we need to get bums on seats and unfortunately that means selling out WA from time to time. We don’t want these NRL fans in here anymore than our old mate did. This is how Robert Oppenheimer must’ve felt”
We can report that old mate is in a stable but serious condition. Please no more NRL updates.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?