In a move no one saw coming, Woolworths and Coles have released an extraordinary joint statement today copping the lot.
From price gouging customers during a cost of living crisis to ripping off Aussie farmers, Colesworth has put their hand up and said “yep, ya got us”.
A source close to the retail giants told The Times,
“I think Colesworth was very disappointed with the ACCC report. They think the agency didn’t have the bottle to tell it how it is. So they are going to get the praise for exposing themselves”
Not everyone is happy with the statement however. Given it only reads, “Guilty as charged, Australia, and we’ll do it again!”
We spoke to a local customer who said that while he was proud of Colesworth for admitting to the giant, rip-off elephant in the room, he was suss on them for not showing much contrition. Adding,
“I do note that nowhere in the statement do they say sorry. In fact, they have more of a supervillian tone. Like what a Bond villain would say to 007. I’d just like to get assurances that the special I’m getting on leg ham is an actual special and that the farmer was paid fairly for it”
Naturally, Colesworth declined to elaborate further on their statement and claimed it “spoke for itself”. They did however add this little bit of information,
“Here at Colesworth we value our customers, for being lobotomised enough to continue shopping with us despite all the malarky we pull. We don’t want to victim blame but c’mon Australia, what are you doing?”
Scummy as ever.
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