“Got mum pres? Food 12”, was the heroic, hail mary throw that Bunbury dad Colin sent out to his kids at 8 this morning.
True to form, his children have forgotten to bring a present or indeed even attend the event for 4 years running. Mostly due to the insatiable pull of a Fitzy’s Saturday night sesh.
Colin’s wife and guest of honour at today’s lunch told The Times,
“Our Colin can fix anything in the shed but when it comes to a digital device he’s like BT looking for the off setting on his bullshit switch”
His brow was heavy with sweat as he drew the phone from his belt holder and flipped open the leather case that he values so dearly.
He took the two-handed approach to mobile phone usage as he tried to remember the exact combination of buttons to not only unlock the phone but to enter the “words” section.
His patented hunt & peck system is slow but he still labours under the belief that if you make a mistake you have to erase the entire text. So he moves slowly and with purpose.
“Why do the words keep changing! Stupid bloody thing”, ah yes, it was Colin’s bi-annual tussle with the autocorrect function he always vows to disable but never gets around to it.
Multiple recipients was a bridge too far for Colin, opting to send, retype and send the text 3 times to each of his neglectful offspring.
He preserved and by 8:10 am, each of his kids had received the text and acknowledged it with a thumbs up. Which filled Colin with generational rage more than an interest rate complaint.
Todd is arguably the biggest drop kick of the bunch and was stoked to receive the text, telling The Times,
“I don’t even remember where I left my car, I think Withers. So the text was very handy. As soon as I find my car I’ll swing by a flower van of some shit. It’s probably on bricks by now though ai”
His daughter, Jasonita told The Times,
“Of course I remembered, I was halfway through posting my Mother’s Day Instagram post to mum who doesn’t have Instagram!”
Anyway you look at it, Colin dug deep to save the day. Good on’ya Colin.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?