Bunnings has issued a grovelling apology after it was revealed David Warner managed to infiltrate the sandpaper aisle at a Perth store this morning.
Investigations are ongoing as to how no one saw the former ex-batsman and rough surface enthusiast got in undetected. A spokesperson told The Times,
“A member of the public approached staff and told them that they’d overheard a little guy bragging about how easy it was to acquire sandpaper in Perth, a substance David Warner is obviously prohibited from possessing or supplying to a third party. We then checked our normal cameras, that you cry babies made us return to, and we noticed a short figure resembling that of David Warner”
Bunnings is refusing to confirm if David made away with any sandpaper however Perth Stadium and both cricket nations are on high alert.
A spokesperson for Cricket Australia told The Times that there was “nothing to see here”, adding,
“We think the only fair way to handle this is to bolster the embargo of Bancroft playing for Australia. We understand this is frustrating for the WA public but we aren’t going to go over Warner, he’s a protected species”
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All Perth hardware stores are advised to take extra precautions over the next couple of days. Luckily, with the lively pitch should mean the threat will be neutralised by Sunday lunch tops.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?