If Stirling Highway is the Ted Bundy of people’s will to live then Canning Highway is surely a sad little copycat trying to grasp at the straws of infamy. Nevertheless, it was dubbed the Highway to Hell for a reason.
Much like its heinous idol, Canning runs from Perth to Freo and slices through some of Perth’s most elite suburbs. To the uninitiated, it probably sounds like a delightful little drive. Oh, how wrong you are, you stupid piece of vehicular trash.
If you’re unlucky enough to be entering Canning from the City then you will have its villainous little counterpart to deal with – the Causeway. A source of congestion that puts hayfever to shame
If you’re entering from the Freeway than you get to experience one of Perth’s most famous windscreen washer spots. Prepare to be bombarded as youths pour out of the bushes to land their filthy squeegees on your windscreen. Many choose to run the red light to avoid this ensnarement.
Once the light goes green you will roll through the historic sites of Benny C’s infamous Canning Highway incidents and bask in the glory of a train station that dares to say, “no Perth, you can’t drive to this one”.
Once you’re on this bad boy you will have to deal with Perth’s southern money. Living in the shadows of the western burbs has turned these people bitter. Don’t expect any civility on this highway.
Given the nature of the terrain that Canning is built on it is the darling of the Police’s infringement eye. This is primarily due to the large sections of steep decline around the Bicton area. To really butter their bread, there are plenty of bushes to hide those cheeky little speed cameras too.
Like most dual carriageways, the bus situation is a clusterfuck of maddening proportions. This is mostly due to the lack of bus lanes. So if you weren’t able to push in front of the BMW x5 in the right lane, you’re stuck buddy.
To make Canning even crueller, the bus that you are stuck behind is the 910 – the Judas to our beloved 106 bus route. A more memorable route than losing your v-plates. It united the riff-raff with the snobs and served us well for many years. It was a bus you’d happily get stuck behind. As for the 910, well, this city wishes you no happiness.
If you’ve managed to maintain a few shreds of sanity on Canning then there is excellent news for you. It pretty much feeds straight into Stirling Highway at its terminus. Yep, you can upgrade your experience in a heartbeat.
More entitlement, more busses, more ruthless right turns. Canning is merely the test to see if you’re ready for the final boss.