The 2028 Olympics will be the first Olympics to trial “Caucasian wedding dancing” as an event after the overwhelming popularity of the Breaking in Paris.
Contrary to the name, non-Caucasians will be permitted to compete provided they can deliver the same level of uncoordinated cringe in their freestyle dancefloor shenanigans.
We spoke to a wedding dancefloor boss who has ripped it up at 5 separate weddings this year alone. He told The Times,
“My sprinkler is unmatched. Not to mention my tentative grasp on the Macarena and my most regrettable worm attempt after a few bottles of bubbly have done their magic. I’m not bragging but I will definitely win gold”
He is cocky and perhaps he should check that. As local uncle Daryl is well known in his circles for flailing around like an octopus with an electrode on its junk. He told The Times,
“What separates me from the pack is I don’t try to do anything silly. It’s my legitimate attempts at dancing that cause thunderous laughter from my friends & family. It hurts, I won’t lie but if it gets me a trip to LA then I’m all for it”
Judges will score the athletes based on lack of style, lack of coordination, delusions of smoothness and of course how scruffy their dinner suit looks at the time of competing.
The female event will also have an extra category for best removal of high heels and subsequent woo’ing.
Competitors are warned to not attempt any Elaine dancing as they is regarded as too much of an advantage if one can truly look that bad.