Chinese Premier Li Quang has used his trip to Western Australia to announce that China is invested in the long-term success of the West Coast Eagles.
To that end, they have gifted two pandas which will be ready to slot straight into the Eagles’ midfield this season.
A spokesperson for China told The Times that the Panda, known for his dynamism and pace, would hopefully inspire a big effort from the boys. Adding,
“China understands the shame of being pantsed by a bunch of flunkies like North Melbourne at home. We believe the speed, grace and fitness of the mighty panda will give them many prosperous years”
A source close to West Coast said the timing was perfect given the high-profile injuries of Waterman & Kelly and Harley Reid’s ban is set to diminish their firepower against the Dons this weekend.
Initially, one panda was going to go to Flagmantle however it is understood China changed its mind after hearing about their history. The spokesperson added,
“Pandas are for making teams great again not miracles. Where is Fremantle’s premiership success? What can a panda possibly do for them? There is nothing China nor our pandas can do”
Naturally, the announcement has caused a severe lack of sleep over at 7West who are panicking over continuing their creepy Reid-a-thon or to lose control with panda back pages.
Related: Chinese Premier honoured with customary 6167 neck tattoo to commemorate his trip to Kwinana