Cockburn man ostracised from community after it came to light he was pronouncing the hard CK behind closed doors
Cockburn is a LGA in shock at the moment after one of its most passionate residents was revealed to be everything they hate.
Gary had lived in the City of Cockburn for 20 years and always had a smile and a wave for his fellow Coburnians at the shops or while stuck in Freeway traffic.
30 years of goodwill has been flushed down the toilet however after the allegations came to light. Proud Co’burn resident Paula was the first to blow the whistle. She told The Times,
“One of my friends rang me from The Gate one afternoon. She said Gary had lost control at the happy hour and was overheard dropping several hard CKs when discussing the LGA with friends & family. It was a shock as this is a man that we’d see walking at Bibra Lake and taking his kids to Adventure World, you just don’t expect it from a nice guy”
It seems Gary’s mask had slipped and the mild-mannered dad was exposed as a filthy co-ist. It didn’t take long for the rumours to spread like wildfire.
After the allegations and an unfortunate video uploaded to a local FB community group Gary had gone to ground. His wife of 20 years was also caught in the crossfire and accused of enabling Gary’s co-hate.
We spoke to a former friend of the family who said he can’t believe he’d let Gary pull his meat at his weekly low n slow BBQs, adding,
“What a co-head! I mean I’m no one to police language but the hard CK is way out of line. We exist in the City of Cockburn under the shared principle no one crosses that line. We aren’t laughing stocks!”
In the interest of fairness, we tracked Gary down who had listed his house and attempted to disguise his appearance with bleached hair and a beard. He told The Times,
“WTF is wrong with Perth it’s COCK-BURN yeah I saw it. My wife says it. I’m teaching my kids to say it because it makes sense. I’m not bound to the naming traditions of Scottish admirals. He can pronounce Cockburn however he likes and so will I! What is wrong with you people?”
“You people”, oh Gary you really are a monster.