A Cottesloe man has taken a bold strategy to online dating this summer after a friend told him to “lead with his strengths” when seeking courtship.
This advice caused him to go on a journey of discovery where he examined his current dating profile photos and hit himself with some hard truths. He told The Times,
“What a mess. Photos from a 2017 Aspen ski trip, constant hatfishing, and a dhuey my mate caught. I told myself that I had to be more realistic. I was living in the past and had to show them what I had to offer in 2023”
After his epiphany, he wiped all his existing photos and replaced them with multiple angles of his dad’s Riviera motor yacht. Some could mistake his profile for a private listing for a boat sale but he knew what he had.
After just 4 minutes of swiping, the Cottesloe man had over 50 matches. With many asking him to send more photos to put them at ease. He continued,
“Yeah, so some just wanted to see more of the interior. It’s what’s inside that counts when it comes to dating, right? I was happy to oblige. I even got a bit naughty and sent a photo of my long haul”
We spoke to one of his matches who admitted she was essentially looking for a boat not a man this summer. Adding,
“Thomas had everything I wanted. Good deck space for drinks, luxurious toilet and of course the ability to float across the water to Rotto. He’s the perfect boat”
We checked with Thomas’ father who may have been unaware of his son’s ploy. He told The Times,
“Thinks he’ll be taking the Riviera does he? Ha! No chance, he gets to take out the old shitbucket Sundancer I keep docked. That’s my boy though, always catfishing you. Catfished us when we thought we’d produced a son without shit between his ears”
Good luck Thomas.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?