Samara has expressed concern she is losing her partner to the perils of hipsterdom after seeing his evolution from fun lovin’ guy to greasy bearded IPA critic in just a few months. She remembers it wasn’t too long ago that she could go to a pub with Tom without him looking visibly disgusted at the beer taps.
Furthermore, she claims Tom has begun slipping in an “h” to his name when she isn’t looking. One such example occurred on the weekend when she saw him write his name as Thom on a competition form to win a new green egg smoker. Holding back tears she told The Times,
“I used to like the bit of stubble on his face. He looked so handsome now his chin looks like a spoogebomb went off in a pubey forest. Between the scent of the beard oil and his new love for vaping I just can’t get used to the smells coming off him. Please help”
It doesn’t stop there. She has also noticed that “Thom” has become super intense about the music played on the portable speaker as they go about their day. Adding,
“It was that one damn sip of craft beer. He was never the same after that. Now he’s vetoing every song I put on. Telling me that he would only listen to their old stuff. He told me unironically that he was an audiophile and would be getting a vinyl player soon to free himself from the prison that is my taste in music”
“Thom” however denies he has changed for the worst. Claiming that the first sip of double chocolate porter helped him emerge from his cocoon. Each new step towards being an insufferable wanker was a necessary part of his journey. Adding,
“I live in North Perth after all. It’s time I evolved and spread my wings. My lady is more of a seltzer and Kookai kind of girl. If she can’t handle my urban cool then she knows where the door is”
By all reports, she won’t need much of a push to head for that door. Especially after Thom purchased his first peen tip beanie that he insists on wearing on all occasions.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?