Carlton & United Breweries saw opportunities where France saw disaster. Offering the European nation a pretty penny for some of that sweet, sweet Seine water.
It is reported that CUB beat out Lion who really wanted the exclusive Seine River water contract for use in the production of TEDs.
Ultimately, France awarded the contract to CUB after merely taking a sip of Carlton Draught. A spokesperson for France told The Times,
“When they heard about the high levels of faecal matter in the river it would be perfect for their drinks because their customers were very used to drinking shit”
The plan may even have the unintended side effect of cleaning the Seine faster as French exporters were instructed to get plenty of the ‘good stuff’ in each scoop to guarantee the delicious flavour of their range.
Health Authorities initially raised concerns but after submissions that the average CUB enthusiast consumes 20 beers a day they conceded that a bit of Seine water couldn’t do too much more damage.
We spoke to a punter who agreed, adding,
“Yeah I’ll drink anything, obviously, unzip right now and just slash it into me mouth”
Great to hear and well done CUB.