A Perth dim sum restaurant has taken the extraordinary step of warning customers not to operate heavy machinery after witnessing Sunday after Sunday of egregious bouts of gluttony.
A waitress gave out the first warning after observing a group of hungover animals lose control. Slamming bamboo steamer after bamboo steamer of salty succulence. Telling The Times,
“I told the big guy that I thought he’d had enough but he insisted I bring him a third serving of squid tentacles. Then he just grabbed 3 steamers of whatever he could reach from the cart. He wasn’t looking in great shape”
The group was evidently suffering the advanced stages of a food coma as they crop dusted their way through the restaurant in a vain attempt to find the toilet. The waitress added,
“I gave him the admittedly complicated instructions and he just had an MSG glaze over his face. His eyes were blinking but no one was home. This guy needed a nap badly”
Naturally, this is not an isolated incident. With dim sum restaurants bringing out the worst in a West Aussie’s self-control.
We spoke to Tim who had just broken his personal record of dumplings & soy sauce in a single sitting. He told The Times,
“The waitress told me that she hadn’t seen anyone so incapacitated due to their own gluttony in a while. Told me to sleep it off in my car before I even think about driving. It was good advice. I was a sweaty, disgusting mess mate”
Unfortunately, not everyone heeded the good advice. We spoke to Jackson who attempted to get to work on a Sunday afternoon project in his backyard. He told The Times,
“I took a shit and a shower yet I was still greasy and could barely keep my eyes open. I reckon I was sweating out chilli oil mate. It’s safe to say I overdid it. I definitely shouldn’t have picked up that grinder. Ah well, can have a sleep in the emergency room”
Please consider a designated driver should you feel the need to become a human anaconda during your dim sum session.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?