Staffy – you know your way around an Aussie Aussie Aussie chant, you drive a Hilux and are currently banned from 7 out of 8 of your kids’ weekend sporting competitions. Your 8th kid? Well, that’s your staffy that you dress just like you – with a big “gold” chain. Only difference? You can’t be leashed baby. More on staffys HERE.
Greyhound – while you don’t mind the kudos you get for rescuing a hound, deep down, you just want to feel better about your laziness by spending time with an elite, performance animal that would prefer to spend its entire life sleeping. Hey, that’s pretty similar to you (apart from the elite performance part).
Border Collie – either a farmer or someone who wants to feel like a farmer. Probably owns brand spankin’ RMs and chinos to do some light yard work.
Golden retriever – now, no one is saying you don’t care about other people, they are just saying that you probably consider your golden boy to be several social levels above people born outside the Golden Triangle. More funding for the local public school? How about upgrades to your little king’s park first! More on golden bois HERE.
German Shepherd – what a tremendous beast you own. Surely you aren’t a little paranoid about home security. Is there something… growing in your shed perhaps? Why do you have a lot of CCTV and power cords running to said shed? Anyway, people just know that you don’t want any eyeballs on your property. Just like when you shot a gidgee at that drone hovering.
Rotty – you REALLY don’t want anyone going into that shed. Plus if you’re honest with yourself you get a little bit of a thrill seeing the look of terror on the meter reader or posties face as they make their way onto your property. Will post a lot of photos proving they are sooks however. All part of the game.
Dachshund – people see all the little outfits you buy for the dog and they just know you’re the type to let it lick your mouth at home. Kisses from your fur baby you’d call it. Stomach churning is what everyone else would. Sausage dog owners really blur the line when it comes to anthropomorphism.
Frenchie – you fancy yourself a bit of a celebrity. Dropping serious coin on a designer dog to be seen with as you brunch your way up and down Perth’s hippest spots. Only problem is your dog has a more impressive social media following than you! Not to worry, you’ll lean into that and live vicariously through your fur baby’s snorting fame. You also haven’t slept properly in 4 years. More on frenchy owners HERE.
Chihuahua (and other rat dogs) – you enjoy getting tradies and other contractors out to your yard for your little bundle of joy to yap it. It is especially humerous to you when the anxious ball of nervous energy growls at someone tending to your yard. Also you own a few handbags.
Corgi – you fancy yourself royalty. No matter how littered your bloodline is with non-royal trash, once you start walking that plump ball of regalness you’ll be queen-waving at neighbours and snubbing your nose at all lesser beasts. It comes with the territory, now got any cucumber sandwiches left for the rest of us your majesty? More on Corgi owners HERE.
Great Dane – you didn’t have the space for a horse but still wanted to dedicate your life to cleaning up mega-turds all day. Other people will come over to your house and wonder why the big boy isn’t paying rent. Seeing as it’s taking up an entire couch and eating enough food to feed… well the horse you couldn’t get.
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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?