News that a pristine piece of waterfront property hit the market was music to Dôme Café’s ears and the asking price of $17m was a drop in the ocean for them.
The plan is to build a 84,000 hectare Dôme Café at the spot with a medicated grey nomad drive through as well as enough parking to accommodate the annual Northern migration of boomers each dry season.
A source close to Dôme told The Times that the plan was going to make Geraldton’s large Dôme look like a McCafe. Adding,
“We are expecting to sell around 2 million extra hot muggaccinos a day. To keep up with that demand we have created a water boiler that is powered by the extreme power of the Tombstones wave”
The plan has angered the WA surfing community who say the spot needs to be preserved as a camping spot to allow middle aged blokes from Scabs to stand on the shore and talk about how they would definitely be out there if they hadn’t done their ACL in ressies footy.
A spokesperson told The Times,
“We all know boomers don’t like the look of surfers and it won’t be long until they find a way to stop us surfing there. They don’t like our uncut hair and willingness to live in vans thus not contributing to their investment properties via rent”
The WA Government has made assurances that surfers will still get the chance to stand on the shore and pretend they are much more skilled wavesman than they are. A spokesperson added,
“The WA Government is committed to giving every Westralian the freedom to talk shit at Tombies”
Of course, the name of the surf break will have to change given the obvious insensitivity to the client base.
While the idea of a 84,000 hectare cafe isn’t for everyone it sure beats the other proposal to take up the lease and build a wave park.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?