In an extraordinary show of solidarity with Westralia, the Federal Budget has provided a $10,000 Dare Iced Coffee bonus to any tradesman who is willing to relocate to the great state.
In combination with the WA Government’s promise of $10k cash, tradies will find the prospect tantalisingly irresistible. A Budget insider told The Times,
“Your average tradie spends $10k a year on iced coffee so this budgetary measure is going to be a big incentive. It means more money in tradie’s hands to have a punt on the dogs or have a well needed twirl of the pip on their r&r”
Some people who doubt the bonus say what’s the point of luring tradies to WA if there is a housing shortage. Where will they live? The answer, is after about 5 Dares a day – the toilet.
We spoke to a tradie who was thinking of making the move west who told us that it was the “last piece of the puzzle”, adding,
“Dare is actually one of my biggest weekly expenses so yeah, I’m sold. Better be the triple espresso but. Reckon yous cunnys can relax the laws around vapes too? Need something to take the edge off 4 Dares before smoko ha ha”
In addition 10k for qualified tradesman, other skillsets will also be rewarded with a $5k Dare bonus being offered to truck drivers, forkies and scaffies looking to move over from NZ. However this bonus will have a few extra strings attached. Our insider continued,
“Yeah look, the Government isn’t stupid. We know that letting every certified forklift driver loose with a gullet full of Dare isn’t going to win over hearts & minds, so those particular workers will need to apply for a licence to consume Dare on the job”
Sounds like very sensible policy.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?