Brayden was known for two things: causing significant delays on the job due to his inept forklifting skills and scoffing down meals so greasy they make the Carlton cheer fanbase look dry.
Everyday, he’d follow his coworkers to the local lunch bar and everyday he’d land a 10 punch saturated fat combo on his ailing organs. Cheese sausages, chiko rolls, wing dings, it didn’t matter, if it was deep fried it was going in his gob.
He’d then commit unspeakable acts in the toilet. Some say his unique brand of bowel hell has permanent imprinted in the tiles.
That’s until one morning he came into work hungover with haunting memories of smashing 2 large meatboxes the night before after the pub. His body was crying out for respite. So he told his mate “I’ll have what you’re having”.
Despite a decidedly uncultured start to his journey, “give us one of them fkn Asian pork rolls with the salad and shit boss”, Brayden soon realised what he’d be missing. He told The Times,
“Fark, how good is that ay, couple bum me’s for smoko really hit the spot. It’s not like a tuck shop roll ya know, it’s from the orient, Vietnam to be exact, which is pretty much Bali”
As weeks passed, Brayden even managed to pronounce it better. It was never going to be perfect but to be honest hearing the tryhard inner city caucasians try to order Pho correctly would put anyone off overcommitting to the task.
Of course, a bogan doesn’t simply pick up a new interest without instantly believing they know the most about it. So while Brayden has expanded his culinary boundaries somewhat he’s become an insufferable blowhard on local banh mi groups.
We asked Brayden if he felt his aggressive criticism of other people’s posts was warranted given just a few months ago he was putting himself into a steggle-hole every night. He told The Times,
“Nah, yeah, I just reckon that one’s got fark all pat-ay on it ay, it’s all about the pat-ay and if someone don’t have enough chilli on it I’ll call em a … ahh better not say it, got put in FB gaol for that word ha ha”
We can also report that Brayden cannot handle the chilli himself and regularly is seen picking bits off and demolishing iced coffee to ease the burn.
All in all, perhaps introducing him to a new cuisine was a mistake.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?