On paper, Alicia and Jason are a perfect fit. They are both into Netflix, food and enjoy hiking. However, what ultimately unites (and evidently divides them) is their need to alert the world to their superior hydration apparatus.
Sounds like a fairytale, right? Wrong. What started as a minor hurdle by any normal person’s books has blossomed into a giant shit-mountain and Alicia isn’t sure she can continue.
Holding back tears, Alicia told The Times,
“I thought I could change him. I thought I could fix him. I was wrong and now I can’t even bear the sight of his garish Yeti rambler”
Likewise, Jason thought he could handle her Frank Green preference but now feels smothered by her overabundance of basicness. Adding,
“It’s a free country and she can do what she likes but I can’t ignore how it reflects on me. It’s 2023 and you’re still drinking out of Frank Green? Does she even know how superior Yeti insulation technology is?”
Apparently, she does. As Jason habitually flicks the water in his Rambler at the end of the day onto her to prove his point.
This has escalated into Alicia dumping the remains of her water bottle onto Jason and telling him he can go and pull himself off in his car because that’s the most he’s getting tonight.
We spoke to Jason’s mate who said he was pretty cut up after hearing his good pal was pumping the meat supersoaker in the car like an animal. Adding,
“I tried telling them that it literally doesn’t matter. It’s a stupid water bottle. I use a 1L Pump bottle. After I mentioned that neither wanted to make eye contact with me. For a brief moment they were united in their smug water-drinking identity again. She asked him if he needed a bit of help in the car tonight”
After making up on the human gear stick, Alicia was quick to banish Jason from her life after he made a quip that his manhood was as thick & sturdy as a Yeti bottle.
Should’ve gone for Frank Green, mate.
RELATED: REPORT: Yeti Rambler owner thinks he’s better than you
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?