Brett, who ran in today’s HBF Run For A Reason admitted that the 12km run was “nothing” compared to the painstaking measures he took to keep his 2019 HBF run shirt presentable every single weekend for 3 years.
We spoke to Brett while he was trying to catch his breath while getting balls-deep into the post-run photoshoot. He told The Times,
“I am physically incapable of running without an HBF shirt on and mate, I run about 3-4 times a week. Do you have any idea the stress that puts under a t-shirt? Every year I hoped they’d bring the event back so I could get a new shirt but it kept getting spicy-coughed up the wazoo”
Brett’s partner conceded that the maintenance of the shirt had “consumed” her man and gave us a rundown of the kind of care it got,
“Let’s just say I wish my lady parts were that shirt. The level of care and attention he showed it. I’d get up at 6 am and he’d be in the laundry gently hand washing it. He said he’d leave me if it ever got put into a washing machine. Kept saying he didn’t know how long it’d be until he gets a new one and he can’t run without it”
And to say he wasn’t playing around would have been an understatement. When Brett met his partner in 2020 she was looking for a shirt to put on after they sealed the deal. Unluckily for Brett, he had the shirt ready to go for a run in the morning. His partner described the furore,
“It just looked like some old shirt over a chair next to his bed. I didn’t think much of it. So I cheekily slipped it on. Boys always liked that but Brett didn’t. See, he’d demonstrated his pull out technique earlier and I guess I missed some. He inspected the shirt for 15 minutes with a UV light and asked me if I knew how distressing it was to have to give the shirt an unnecessary hand wash?”
Luckily, Brett has a brand spankin’ HBF shirt now so the pressure has been eased on his old one. We couldn’t resist the chance to ask him about 2020 however. He wasn’t impressed. Adding,
“How could anyone treat an HBF Run For A Reason shirt like that? I’m going to get married with one underneath my dress shirt. Ugh, being as fit as I am I have a very voluminous load. That beautiful shirt looking like spiderman’s keyboard”
Christ.
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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?