Residents of the Perth Hills have sent a clear message to politicians that their number one concern is to protect the sanctity of the hills by beefing up security at foothills borders.
To appease the altitudinal residents, pollies will need to convince them they can dedicate the resource for manned checkpoints at all major entry points to the hills where Forrie & High Wycombe miscreants will either be turned away on sight or given a very strict curfew.
We spoke to a Kalamunda resident who said 90% of her problems are caused by “those down the hill who shall not be named” and the remaining 10% by the thought of Maccas setting up shop nearby. She told The Times,
“I don’t have the statistics on hand by 200% of burnouts committed in the City of Kalamunda are done by foothill riff raff! They are ruining the hills just like they ruined Zig Zag! Why aren’t we keeping them out with maximum force”
A Mount Helena woman says politicians simply must do more. Adding that every morning either a neighbour’s horse or a High Wycombe resident defecates on her lawn.
Whether people from the greater Perth area will be permitted to enter the hills freely remains up to debate. What we can report is that the focus is very much on the surrounding foothill suburbs at this point.
A distressed Lesmurdie man told The Times,
“I let me son go to a Forrie house party and the following week I found a Powerade bottle fashioned into a crude smoking device. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence! Ban the foothills now”
Unsurprisingly, foothills residents have denied the measures are even necessary. We spoke to a Forrie boy who said he wouldn’t be caught dead in the hills and that the money would be better spent on reducing the cost of bourbon four packs.
He’s got that right.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?