Semi retired Perth high flyer Alan was nearly inconsolable today after his brand spankin’ Akubra fell into a muddy puddle while pretending to work on his hobby farm.
He’d decided to jump on the 4-wheeler and pretend to check his fences. A job he’d paid a bushie handsomely to do last weekend. While navigating his rain-sodden land he hit a dip.
When Alan got back to the farmhouse his wife witnessed a highly distressed man. He had the unmistakable look of a man dealing with the harsh realities of farming. She told The Times,
“I think this is the first time he realised how cruel this game could be. He kept saying that the land provides but the land takes so much more. I didn’t even tell him he got mud all over the back of his new Driza-Bone, that would’ve destroyed him in the moment”
We spoke to a nearby farmer, Old Curley who had held Alan’s hand every step of the way on his hobby farming journey. He told The Times,
“I told the big dingbat to lean into it! He’s always prancing around pretending to be a farmer and now he’s actually got a bit dirty. I told him it should be a poser like yous dream”
It was the pep talk that Alan needed. Like always, old Curly delivered a dose of the right farming medicine for him. To feel like a real rough & tumble jackaroo he sat on his Bobcat for 15 minutes and reflected on the hardships of working the land.
His wife recounted what happened next, “he comes storming into the house and tells us all to put our boots on as we’re heading to the pub. He was adamant everyone in town see muddy fruits of his faux-labour”
She cracked a hobbyish grin and she continued, “I asked him if he wanted me to shine up his boots like normal and he said, no dear, the dirt are my scars, the dirt tells my story”
He proceeded to set a record for how proud a rich city kent could be peacocking around the semi-rural pub in his slightly stained gear.
Feeling inspired, he even saw fit to whinge about the rain to actual farmers. In that moment, their livelihood was directly comparable to the organic vege patch he was cultivating every second weekend of the year.
It was a moment of joy for him which also inspired the locals. Mainly inspired them to ram a tractor into his disgusting shiny Range Rover that he kept referring to his “work horse”.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?