No one knows how she did it but it seems local trainwreck Tash has come good on each and every one of her 2024 New Year resolutions that she was drunkenly rambling about last night.
Speaking to people at the same party, it appears that no one was spared from Tash’s passionate claims that she was going to turn her life around.
Given she just shelved a quantity of MD it appeared that these were just empty promises. A mate of Tash’s told The Times,
“Oh, every year we hear about her plans to be a better woman. Every year she somehow wakes up a bigger piece of shit than the year before. However we gotta hand it to her, she really pulled this one out of the hat”
Yes, indeed, with the magic of New Year resolutions, Tash has woken up physically fit, financially secure, in a good relationship with career goals and a bunch of new hobbies to focus her free time on.
Intrigued on how she could pull off such a miraculous life rebuild in a few short hours between passing out in a mate’s vege patch and waking up drenched in piss, we asked the woman her secrets. She told us,
“You just have to want it bad enough. Let this be a lesson to anyone who has rolled their eyes at someone’s New Year’s resolutions. All you need to do in this life is lie to yourself until you believe it. Just look at me, I’m the poster girl for it”
While everyone else in her group battles to get down to the servo for a 1L Maximus, Tash will be spending her day sailing on a yacht with her handsome boyfriend while painting the vista to a near-photographic perfection.
All because she did an Instagram post about it.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?