Inedible generic easter eggs were a staple of many childhoods. Their oily consistency reminded one of the sorts of joy that could only usually be found during a Soviet rations period.
Thankfully, times moved on, and new generations of kids were introduced to the wonders of edible chocolate – the kind of chocolate that actually melted, the kind of chocolate that could actually cause an emergency Vet visit, the kind of chocolate that wasn’t more suited for the decorative soap scene.
Years passed and some have even forgotten the taste. They have forgotten the foil that blended with the chocolate chemicals and became a kind of symbiotic being that didn’t want you opening it. Well, that’s no more.
Thanks to the cost-of-living crisis and the relentless price gouging by profit-making-powerhouses like Colesworth, the humble edible chocolate egg is a luxury now. So it looks like these turd-eggs are back on the menu boys.
We spoke to a family who said their budget was just too tight for fancy Lindt Bunnies and Humpty Dumpty eggs this year. Adding,
“Our biggest concern is that the kids won’t even bother participating in the easter egg hunt. Once they taste one they’ll wonder if the Easter Bunny squeezed out a few nuggets on the lawn in some sort of dirty protest”
Yes they will. Another family said they were able to save even more money this Easter by using the same generic inedible eggs that have somehow sat in a cupboard for the past 3 years. The father of the house told The Times,
“Isn’t food meant to change over time. Decay? Rot? anything? They sit their mocking me. I actually ran out of Shelley’s silicone and used a few to plug a leak in my roof ha ha”
It’s OK kids, you’ll get used to them and then you’ll have your own generational trauma to discuss later in life.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?