In a landmark case, ol’ Terry Two-Canoes has brought legal action against his employer for lower back pain suffered by having to skew his body to fit through door frames.
Lawyers for shopping bags mcgee claim that the right to walk through a doorway straight is an inalienable human right that has been denied to their client.
In the complaint, Terry’s lawyers state that his lumbar spine damage is a direct result of the employer’s door width policy and furthermore telling him to lower his arms like a normal fkn human being was discrimination.
We spoke to a representative of the law firm who told The Times,
“ILS is real and anyone who thinks Terry has any control over walking around looking like a rock ape is sorely mistaken”
The lawyer was fuming with passion as he feverishly stated his clients case. Adding,
“Would you ask a gentleman in a wheelchair to just walk up some stairs? No. So why would you ask my client to lower his arms given there is no bulging lateral muscle preventing such a biomechanical movement?”
Terry’s employer vows to defend the claim. Saying this was identity politics turned mad. A spokesperson for the employer told The Times,
“Look, if this was a watermelon farm we’d build wider doors but we’re not. This guy is a fkn idiot. He also has to take a break every 5 minutes due to the physical exertion of keeping his arms tensed and raised at all hours of the day”
Terry hopes to raise awareness for ILS sufferers all over the world. Telling The Times,
“We all meet in Scabs on the weekend as a kind of support group. Between us turbos and the bouncers, we actually feel at home. Yous don’t know what it’s like being swole af in a world built for beta males”
All we can say is that we hope Terry gets the help he needs. Whatever that may be.
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