Most horses had well and truly finished their race at the Kalgoorlie Cup on Saturday. However, the same couldn’t be said for Pikey who still hasn’t given up chasing whatever prize he hopes to win.
The seasoned campaigner doesn’t get to let his remaining hairs down very often. So The Kalgoorlie Cup is a great opportunity to remind himself that he’s still “got it”. Which in this context means a 3-day bender that would make Charlie Sheen feel a tad anxious.
Witnesses said Pikey came strong out the gate. With a minimum of two pre-mixed bourbon cans in his grubby mitts at all times. Just a couple of hours into the event, he was grinding on friends and celebrating each winning punt by grabbing other people’s glasses of bubbly and downing them in one fell swoop. We spoke to Dymondia, who encountered him early in the day,
“It wasn’t the hottest of days but Pikey sure was sweating but that’s nothing unusual. They often have to mop up after him at Hannans. He was partying with the energy of a much younger man. His nostrils looked like the inside of an old freezer”
His mate Rusty had the answers to that,
“Mate, Pikey was charging. On the ol’ Kalgoorlie marching crystals if you know what I mean. How else do you expect a man in that physical condition to party as hard as he did? Love the bloke but he’s a hog”
Alas, Pikey wasn’t able to go home a winner on the day. Not by any metric you could use for measuring success. He’d lost more than he’d won on the punt, he’d failed to woo a female with his hypnotic mating dance and he’d misplaced a shoe.
Did that stop this mighty stallion? This champion big orse? Heavens no. Like a heavily inebriated Winx, he powered on through the night, and then Sunday and by all reports, he’s still racing today. Albeit at ¼ pace.
PIkey’s neighbour told us,
“Yeah, old mate was bellowing some classic rock until the early hours of Sunday morning. I thought he’d gone to sleep but it turns out he’d just gone to collect more booze that he’d sourced on the local beer economy. It was a champion’s run, no doubt about that”
We attempted to interview Pikey but by this stage, he was taking sloppy swings at a boxing bag that had sat idle in his yard for 20 years. Rambling that all the young guys at work should “have a look at him now”
Well run, Pikey, well run. Pikey is due before the courts on Wednesday for charges he doesn’t qutie remember yet.
FOR MORE ON THE ADVENTURES OF PIKEY: THE HUMAN ZOO – MR KALGOORLIE