Bullsbook residents have been issued a HAZMAT warning after firies were forced to use sewage wastewater to put out a bush fire in the area that was threatening homes and the local school.
Authorities have warned residents to not eat any fresh produce from their gardens and to clean out their water tank. However, one local has already ignored this advice and claims his new strain of “brown haze” will really rock your socks off.
Avid “gardener” Simmo has been growing a little patch of bushies on his property and was initially mortified to hear reports that a recent harvest drying in the sun was covered in the shitwater.
Not one to turn down a sale, however, Simmo went ahead with the sale and within 20 minutes got a message thanking him for this new strain. He told The Times,
“I told him it was my secret brown haze. It turns out all those chemicals in the sewage water gave the buds a little extra extra buzz. Within an hour I had blokes begging to buy the rest of it. Even the stuff that wasn’t fully dry yet”
Indeed, now people from as far as Armadale are flocking to Simmo’s house for a taste of that nasty, nasty bush weed.
We spoke to a customer who said he knew full well it was doused in effluent waste but didn’t care. Adding,
“Perth has some pretty dodgy weed as it is. So this is soaked in human shit. So what? It chars up real nice in my billy bruz”
Simmo is currently rushing to plant more seeds given the nice wastey slush in some parts of his garden. He’s calling this blessing his “superannuation”.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?