Local mum Patricia has seriously questioned her annual display of faith after realising that the weekend budget doesn’t allow for the frills of bougie fish & chips and a more humble option is going to be served.
We spoke to Patricia who is currently figuring out whether her near no-existent relationship with her religion is worth it or could she end the macabre charade right now. She told The Times,
“It’s easy to pretend to be a good Catholic when you’re eating delicious, fresh fish & chips down by the ocean but stuffing down fish fingers & oven chips done in the air fryer just feels a bit empty. I know the family aren’t excited about lunch, I’m not even excited about it”
Of course, the lingering sense of existential dread of going against a religion you barely remember exists day to day is strong. Like the fish thing is going to be the reason you’re not accepted into the pearly gates and not the relentless carnal knowledge out of wedlock that marred your youth.
We spoke to Patricia’s husband who said the fish lunch was an important tradition for the family who have not set foot in a church since abandoning midnight mass about 10 years ago. He told The Times,
“Yeah to be honest, I’m pretty happy we’re priced out of the fish & chip market. I hated lining up for hours with all the other fair-weather Catholics. I’m not saying I’m going to enjoy eating those fish fingers but at least I’ll do so on my own terms”
In other parts of the house, their son called it a “new low” for the family and to just enjoy a BBQ and burn in hell like everyone else.
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