To “gently dissuade” athletes from running a fortnight long train on each other, the Paris Olympics has weaponised Lynx Africa to destroy female toeyness.
Alongside uncomfortable cardboard beds, the vents in the Olympic Village will be pumping out a “lady-boner” amount of the good juice at all times.
Top performance scientists have confirmed that no female is able to get in the mood let alone get anywhere near climax in a room stinking of Lynx.
If athletes manage to push through the stank then the organisers said they are “ready, willing and able” to deploy Holden Racing Team bed sheets. A spokesperson for Paris 2024 told The Times,
“We have no issues with consenting adults blowing off some steam amongst other things but the Olympic Village is about rest and if you are disturbing others we will make you sexually repulsive with Lynx and the bedsheets”
They are remaining tight lipped if satin boxers will be rolled out next.
The horror.