Perth man, Brett, has seen the up-side to the heinous cost of living crisis after expertly deploying it as an excuse to avoid his new age moron cousin’s 48-month-old’s earth day celebration. Or in normal terms, his 4th birthday.
While the man wasn’t in a dire position, he admits that he COULD have afforded the gift and assorted costs involved with the earth day celebration but simply didn’t want a fkn bar of it. He told The Times,
“Yeah look, we’re all tightening the belt and I didn’t want to go and splash some cash on a sage protection wand or whatever else was written down in the preferred gifts section of the invite. So I just said we’re doing it tough at the moment and I’ve needed to pick up another shift. I work a salary job”
Brett’s wife who isn’t married into the woo-woo extended family said she’d never been more attracted to her man. Adding,
“It was beautiful. What a perfect excuse. No one will bat an eyelid these days seeing as we are getting absolutely bent over the barrel at every single damn consumer position in life. His cousin just said she’d be emitting positive chakra lifeforce our way and using an essential oil that she believed created wealth”
We spoke to Brett’s brother who wasn’t so quick on the excuse draw and got sucked into the sham of a celebration. He told The Times,
“Oh yeah, cost of living hey, doesn’t stop him putting on the dumbest fkn multis every week. How much you lose last week Brett going for 10 leggers? Sorry, I’m just lashing out that I have to go to this. Apparently, they’ve recorded him slapping his wooden cup on the floor and will be playing it as part of the drum circle”
That sounds rough. Rougher than the cost of living crisis to be sure!
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?