Jack recently took a bunch of mates down to his Falcon holiday shack and exposed them to meals straight from the Huey culinary school of buttery cuisine.
Over the weekend, Jack would prepare a number of lovingly crafted meals which used an ungodly amount of butter, olive oil and salt. When it came to flavourtown, Jack had full citizenship.
We spoke to one of his mates who helped Jack cook a bacon & egg fry up on the BBQ one morning. He told The Times,
“He asked me if I could grab the butter and when I went to the fridge I noticed there were 4 unopened packets of butter. I walked back with one and he proceeded to cut off ⅓ of the stick and throw it on the hotplate. He looked at me right in the eyes and said that there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of butter”
He then went on to concede that he loved a bit of butter but Jack just had no shame. No control. He failed to understand that we live in a society and his hedonistic cookery was confronting.
Similarly, another one of Jack’s friends who was helping him prepare dinner one night raised an objection after she was instructed to give the potato bake yet another drizzle of olive oil. She told The Times,
“This potato bake was already looking so greasy but he wasn’t satisfied with how much oil I was adding. He told me that there’s nothing wrong with a naughty drizzle of olive oil, grabbed the bottle and went to town. He then threw in all this butter and a disturbing amount of cracked pepper”
Jack then sliced off another 50g of butter and made full eye contact while he slide it up the chook carcass. She will never forget the look on his face as the Kilojoules slowly started transferring to the already butter infused stuffing.
It was undeniable that everyone at the holiday house started to understand that Jack had channelled his inner Huey and it was the only cooking philosophy he knew.
Tensions reached fever pitch when Jack “ruined” a batch of delicious rolls with his buttering. He then plated up a dinner and then used the grotty tea towel that had been stuffed in his pants to wipe the rim of the plate.
That’s when one of his mate’s GFs snapped. A witness told The Times,
“She told Jack that he needs to get some help. That no one should be smashing through 4 packs of butter over 2 days and to please consider all their poor bodies. Jack doubled down and double buttered his own roll”
Never change Jack.