Stephanie has been met with a fierce wall of disbelief after telling a group of friends that she went to the beach the other day. While they wanted to believe their friend, most couldn’t get over the glaring fact that no snapchat, IG or TikTok post was posted on the day or subsequently. It was very suss.
“Bullshit”, Stephanie’s good friend Mary told The Times as she explained that no one member of her generation has been to the beach in the last decade without posting an update about it. Typically accompanied by some smug shiteating captions like “from where you’d rather be”. She added,
“I have no idea why she’s lying but she must be. I know her phone wasn’t dead because she was texting me. What kind of millennial goes to the beach without plastering the fact all over social media? Not one I want at my wedding that’s for sure”
Stephanie’s brother also had his doubts. Particularly because he knows his sister had got a spray tan the day before. He told The Times,
“If she was at the beach with her newly spray-tanned legs there would be no possible way she wouldn’t post a selfie of her legs facing the ocean. Probably non ironically throwing in a #hotdogsorlegs hashtag too. That didn’t happen. No way she went to the beach”
It was a curious case to be sure. To get some answers we contacted Stephanie who tentatively stuck to her story at first. She told The Times,
“I totally went to the beach. I just didn’t feel the need to post it because I was living in the moment. I’m not like the other girls I can just enjoy the sun, sand & water!”
In a shocking revelation, it turns out that Stephanie was in fact holding back some pertinent information. She indeed went to a beach but that beach was in Yanchep. Devastating to her usual Cott – City Beach brand of beaching.
Any photographic evidence of the day would have given away her dirty secret. She’s dating a guy from the far northern sprawl. Finally, the mystery has been solved.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?