Experts warn that the rising price of diesel is going to have a serious impact on the “moot” getting abilities of WA’s most obnoxious soot emitters. With state-wide shortages expected to hit soon.
Fuel Watches has warned that most metro sites will be hiking their diesel prices up today. With prices expected to be between 210 – 230cpl of the good stuff.
While most of the State is complaining about the rising cost of ULP, there is a sizable class of dual cab and 4WD owners who rely on spewing out black clouds of noxious soot to secure a satisfactory mating partner on these sweaty, sweaty nights.
We spoke to an analyst who had this very real warning,
“It’s quite peculiar. We are actually expecting increased harmony on the roads as Patrol drivers may start using their rigs more seldomly until the price of diesel drops. However, what’s good for the road goose isn’t so good for the pub gander”
We asked him what he meant by this ominous warning,
“Well, some elements of the 4WD community have become almost solely reliant on diesel soot doing the hard work in their love life. Without these daily mating rituals on Tonkin Highway and such, we expect severe moot withdrawals. You have to understand, these men are fending it off with a stick”
So while society benefits from aggro drivers using the roads less, those pent-up frustrations are likely to manifest at your local watering holes. Without moot, the diesel community will have to establish their fitness to mate via the medium of pub biffo.
We spoke to Tiesin who has been forced to limit his Patrol driving to work commuting this week. He told us,
“I haven’t had any moot for a week bruz. Usually, I just drive around all weekend and the moot starts following me like the Pied Pippy Piper. They can’t get enough of my thick clouds. I managed to secure some last night by shadow boxing outside Lakers but it was touch and go. You have to understand, diesel soot gets the moot”
It’s not just the State’s meatheads who are feeling the effects of the price gouge. Many outer suburban females have noted a significant drop in their own dirty desires. We spoke to Mahrlee,
“I’ve been in a real slump. I think my natural urges react to the smell of diesel these days. Sends me cray cray, there’s just something about a man that ruins the immediate surrounding air quality that I find so hot. I really hope this diesel situation is resolved quickly, I have needs!
Experts warn the price of diesel could remain high for some time and the dual cab/4WD community is likely to only get antsier.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?