Captain power tools – have you ever been relaxing with a cold froff and thought – if only some weekend warrior with an angle grinder would go full bore for a few hours while I kick it? Probably not.
Whether he operates a little side hustle business from his shed or is just a lawn blowing sack of shit, the power tool enthusiast will run a 10 punch combo on your sanity every day of your life. More on this cretin HERE.
The strata sheriff – your first problem is buying into a strata. Your second problem is you’ve entered the jurisdiction of a sadcunt who has nothing better to do than stamp out their own twisted sense of authority on everyone else’s right to enjoy their property.
Enjoy passive aggressive notes, bullshit by-law infringements and the easy going atmosphere of knowing you’re constantly being watched. Feels good, man. More on this turd HERE.
The NIMBY – similar to the strata sheriff but with a lot less authority. At least with a strata all tenants entered an agreement. You didn’t agree shit with the nosey shitwit reporting you to the council for having the audacity to paint your letterbox the wrong shade of white.
Remember to never try and beat a NIMBY at their own game. They have WAY more free time than you and WAY more willpower to take things to A Current Affair. You don’t need that energy in your life, man. More on the NIMBY HERE.
Pisswreck HQ – we’ve all been there. Some grow out of it. Some don’t. Not only will their habitual 4am drum & bass sessions wear you down but the sheer number of cars they attract will have you apologising to your own mates for having to park a street over to come visit you.
If noise doesn’t bother you so much, how about full blown fisticuffs because two louts can’t handle their piss? Yeah you’ll get some of that. Might even spill across onto your own lawn. How fun. Example of one HERE.
Tradie with the V8 – you think he’s about to let the neighbourhood forget how early he wakes up? Forgetaboutit. You think he’s about to let the neighbourhood forget how his v8 needs to warm up in the morning while you’re trying to sleep? Forgetaboutit.
Of course, you could always lean into this situation. He may force you to become an early morning person yourself. Perhaps you could try to outdo him and start up your SS Ute 30mins before he has to get up. You may even get to fight him. More on him HERE.
The neglectful dog owner – ah hear that? That’s a lonely dog with abandonment issues barking its hole off all day because its owners don’t have the time to train it or attend to its needs.
Now, don’t be crazy and expect any accountability from the owner. In fact, you’ll be told to GTFO their property and mind their own business. Their precious little fur baby doesn’t bark… Not that they are around long enough to know. More on them HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?