Winston Churchill, Alexander the Great, Martin Luther King Jr, and me. It may sound audacious to include one’s name in such a list but after this week I have no problem saying it.
Not since I eased my wife’s severe labour pains with a roaring anecdote of my own corporate struggles for father to appoint me as a board member have I felt so inspired to inspire. So let me inspire you.
Last week the accountants, with heavy hearts, reported to the board that a choice had to be made. It was executive bonuses for 5 years on the chopping block or a 35% workforce downsize.
Sure, it was tempting to make the sacrifice for our loyal troops but what would that teach the next man who was hungry for a job about ambition? What was the point of dedicating your life to excellence to give it up at the final hurdle? No.
After casting my vote in favour of the downsize I approached legal and told them that a redundancy was a handout and I wouldn’t patronise my workers with charity. After all, I sculpted them to stand tall & strong like me. Men like us don’t want handouts.
I told a somewhat uncomfortable lawyer under my employ about the story of when a homeless man asked me for change. I told him change comes from within and gave him my 5 point success plan starting with only sleeping 4 hours a night and a daily ice bath.
That was worth more than legal tender. An apt metaphor for the decision to avoid redundancy payouts.
After 2 days, legal came back to me and advised me that they had done as I had commanded. Of course they had, snivelling dogs appeasing their alpha.
I had saved the company millions and as I always tell my disciples, celebrate your wins. So I told my personal assistant to take the Corporate Amex and get me a bottle of Grange to have over lunch. Then I paused.
I paused and I wept. An overwhelming wave of selflessness came over me and while choking back tears I told her to just grab a 2016 Bin 95. No need for the Hermitage. We are all in this together and I will bravely make the sacrifice my men have for me.
As I slushed the cheap swill around my mouth I realised that being a leader meant making hard choices. Choices no one should be burdened with. Choices that lead me to drinking this bottle of paint thinner. See, leadership isn’t the absence of shame, it’s having the shame but making those choices anyway.
*Raises a glass*, consider this my way of showing you all that I’m out in the unemployment wilderness with you. Chin chin.