So, you’ve poured everything you have into a small business that has been treading water for as long as you can remember but you’ve finally found a little bit of success! Well done you!
I get so much joy as a commercial realtor to see these success stories because you know what they say about parasites, they always love a bloated host.
Now, you’re probably thinking this is the right time to start chipping away at the extensive debt that is crippling your soul. Perhaps you had crazy notions of taking a little holiday with your partner as a reward for all your hard work.
Think again, scumbag.
Your lease is coming up for renewal and frankly the thought of you having a small line each day and my property management fees staying the same makes me sick to my stomach!
That’s why I’ll be STRONGLY suggesting to the landlord that a rent increase of less than double would be unconscionable for them.
It’s pretty much YOU the small business predator preying on the Aussie battler landlord and depriving them of a lifestyle they sorely deserve on account of inheriting a main street property from their father’s estate.
AHHHH! I’m getting so annoyed thinking about the tenants stupid little face when they did their first $500 clear profit day. All because of “hard work”, “quality produce” and “deserved word of mouth”. Talk about a free ride.
Doesn’t that irritate you? Or seeing a suburban community’s hub grow and a “vibe” creeping in. I hate vibes, you know what I like? Big commercial chains that have hearts as black as mine.
I don’t want to see you unique, grassroots approach to business, I want a big stinking Guzman y Gomez because they can afford absurd rent increases and you don’t see a single person fkn smiling in one.
Just going through the motions, chewing on glorified Tex Mex with ever-deteriorating quality under the guide of cost of living and in one way shareholder value. That’s beautiful. Christ, give me a second I need to rub one out to that thought.
Wow, that’s probably the most intense commercewank I’ve had in years. I digress.
Anyway, I hope I’ve made it clear that I’m here to help and we are all in this together. So it’s time you did your part and hand over the modest profits you’ve made for the greater good.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?