Perth Dad, Craig, has blamed a combination of Easter break disorientation, the FOGO system, and his useless teenage children for failing to get his red bin on the curb before collection this morning.
While this would be a huge deal on any week of the year, it is especially heinous today given the vast quantities of seafood consumed by the family over the Easter break.
Needless to say, the red bin has been a bit whiffy since Sunday evening and the thought of living with the pungent stank is too hard to bear. Craig is also unwilling to retrieve the rotting matter and place it in his freezer.
Thus, Craig is looking to rehome his disgusting bags of rotting cray, crab & fish heads and his neighbour’s bin down the road is looking pretty damn tempting.
Craig told The Times,
“See that prick there, with the shit reticulation system and ugly porch lighting? Him. I reckon he’s a suitable candidate for the rehome”
Craig went on to pace angrily. Intermittently grumbling angry-nothings about bin day being his useless, uni-attending son’s job. He continued,
“Consider it a little revenge for the dog calling the council on me when I was building a patio in 2018. Never forgotten and never forgiven. Also, his wife is a noisy old bag that turned my sprinklers off once in 2016. Really not over that”
We understand that Craig has instructed his son to wait until the dark of the night to rehome the bags of decaying fish matter and once again restore order to the front yard aroma Craig is so proud of.
His son told The Times,
“Dad told me to rip the bag while I was putting it in. He said I’d cop a bit of fish juice but it was for the greater good. Saying, his dumb dog of a neighbour would have to fish it all out if he didn’t approve of the rehome. He was proud as hell of that pun”
Playing devil’s advocate, his son asked why they couldn’t just dump it in the council bin at the park down the road. He told us Craig flew off the handle and told him,
“Remember the 2015 grand final where he had a party and one of his mates parked on my verge? Justice must be done son, justice must be done”
We wish Craig and his boy the best of luck rehoming the ghastly payload later tonight.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?