Perth frantically bolsters defences as Ellenbrook line finally gets an opening date

Despite having an eternity to prepare for this moment, Perth has been sent into a panic after Roger Cook announced the Ellenbrook line would officially open on 8th December 2024.

In the 16 years since the project was announced, Perth has slowly been building and reinforcing its defences against the people of Ellenbrook. A spokesperson for the WA Government told The Times,

“Walls, a defence dome, checkpoints, you name it. We are not taking any chances. We’ve even sandbagged the traino itself because you never know with Ellenbrook”

Luckily, the lack of good public transport and the Tonkin Highway just being itself has largely kept Ellenbrook at bay.

In 2 short months, that will be no more and there is no way of knowing if the Ellenbrook people will come in peace.

We spoke to an Ellenbrook expert who told The Times there was a lot of anger in the community, adding,

“They feel like they have been given the shit end of the stick. Lured to the deep sprawl with a promise of a train station only to be left to fester for 16 long years. There is an excellent chance they won’t be coming in peace”

See, Ellenbrook isn’t actually part of Perth. On paper it is but over the years it has developed into more of a micronation with its own system of law, order and revenge. 

We spoke to an Ellenbrook man that promises to “let Perth feel his rage”, adding,

“They thought they could put baby in a corner. Do you know Yanchep got a damn train line before us? Yanchep! That’s in Geraldton last time I checked. Oh, you’re gonna get it Perth, you’re gonna get it good”

Ominous indeed.

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