Sun Tzu once mused that every battle is won before it’s ever fought. To that end, Perth, Western Australia has made an impassioned plea to the Interntional Olympic Committee to include an event in the next games that it will absolutely smash.
Urban sprawling is a fun sport that involves the often ridiculous & unnecessary extension of a city rather than build up like every other urban planner seems to recommend.
To date, Perth holds the world record in the length category of urban sprawl thanks largely in part to not wanting to upset NIMBYs in affluent inner metro areas by building high rises and the like. A spokesperson for Perth told The Times,
“Yes, we expect to win gold at the 2028 Olympics but perhaps the inclusion of the event will drive a few more cities to take a shot at the king. In turn, that will motivate us to keep sprawling and perhaps by 2032 we’ll finally reach the dream of being part of Geraldton”
At roughly 150km, Perth is streaks ahead of its closest competitor Sochi Russia – coming in at a pathetic 145km. Nevertheless, Sochi has backed Perth’s calls. A spokesperson told The Times,
“Bring it on, what is 5km? We can build an extra 5km with our eyes closed, in Russia urban sprawls you!”
Naturally, Perth will not be able to compete in other categories of urban sprawl such as girth but the Government still thinks it’s a good idea to divert millions in funds to the development of the sprawl project if gold could be on the line.
In the words of a Government insider,
“Like we need more motivation to sprawl! Ha! But yeah, a bit of validation that what we’ve been doing all this time is the right idea would be sweet I reckon”
True.