Engineers have released a concerning report this morning after assessing Perth Stadium in the wake of Hardwick’s address to his players after effectively ending their season last night.
To understand the intensity of the “catastrophic event” that led to “severe structural damage” one must consider some of the context.
Last night, the Gold Coast Suns led every quarter and made a mess on the proverbial bedsheets in the last. Ultimately, the underpowered Eagles outfit beat them by 10 points.
This meant that the Goldy had gone 0-9 for away games after sacking a coach and possessing some of the most promising talent in the league.
We spoke to an Eagles supporter who said he heard “primal sounds” and “shaking” moments after the game had finished. He added,
“It all started when the Gold Coast players entered the changerooms. I’d say the voice heard was vaguely human but more like in that way Gandalf talks to that Balrog in Lord of the Rings. That’s when we felt the entire stadium shake. I asked my wife if WA had copped another earthquake”
A fair assumption however the Engineers have reported that the cause of the shaking was actually the volume, intensity and power of Damian Hardwick’s post-match spray.
It’s safe to say nothing was sacred in this 30 odd minute, rawdog, blue vein popping outburst that attempted to put all of Hardwick’s thoughts & feelings into a high pressure mouth hose.
It will cost around $10M to repair the damage done which includes broken concrete, a mild debasing of the foundations and shattered windows.
Well deserved too.