“Dearest husband,
I hope this letter finds you well and trust me that I write it with a heavy heart.
I have admittedly grown fond of you over the past 7 years and also the beautiful children we brought into this world. Alas, I am needed elsewhere.
I can’t explain what is driving me, it’s a feeling that comes from deep inside. From the darkest recesses of my Perthstincts.
I fear if I don’t join the queue now for the grand opening of Clarkson Starbucks I will never get to partake in the horrid swill that calls to me every night.
To resist this urge would be to lie to myself and any relationship with you would simply be a macabre charade. My place in this world is in that queue with everyone else who has nothing better to do.
Although you’ll be old and grey, I’d ask you to consider welcoming me back into your life when I one day return.
Farewell, my love”