Local Perth woman Natasha has woken up with an unyielding urge to be cornered by mouth breathing acquaintances from her past and forced into the sort of small talk that would breach Geneva Conventions if deployed in battle.
Natasha is so excited at the prospect of hitting up Carousel later that she can barely focus on her work. Accordingly, she decided to plan out her evening instead. She told The Times,
“I need to make sure I get the outfit right. I want to look equal parts stressed, broke and hungover so when I run into someone I don’t want to talk to they think I’m in some massive rut. That’s the late-night shopping experience that I’m signing up for. Hopefully I’ll run into an ex or two who will smirk because I look like a microwaved whopper with cheese, love that for me”
The sheer unadulterated joy was plastered all over Natasha’s face as she daydreamed about nodding along politely while some high school trainwreck pitched her an exciting opportunity in the essential oils space.
Joy turned to pure ecstasy, and she began thinking about the prospects of running into that weird guy who only started at her school in year 11 or has sent her about 50 unanswered 1 am Messenger chats over the years. She added,
“I ran into him at a festival and because I was higher than the hairlines on a flight to Turkey I must’ve been friendly which he took as evidence we were destined to be together. I really hope he sees me while I’m cramming some sushi in my face at Carousel tonight”
It’s hard to imagine a better run of social interactions but wait there’s more! Natasha almost started fist pumping when she mused about the possibility of running into a girl that used to bully her but after alienating everyone in her depressing life is desperate to reconnect. She continued,
“OMG my night won’t be complete with running into this one girl. She was an absolute nightmare to me all through school but after a bit of a gear problem, 3 divorces and complete burning of every social bridge she had she wants to go out on the town with me! God I want to stand around awkwardly trying to make excuses for each night she suggests”
Sounds like Natasha is in for one hell of an evening. Makes you wonder why you aren’t making plans to go late night shopping in Perth?
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?