If you like it hot, Northern and jam-packed full of retirees, bogans, and backpackers then look no further. Find out why people are saying, “it’s better than Hedland!”
Getting There
There is no better way than to join the great LandCruiser migration of the dry season. Get yourself a 200 series and ride with the convoy of grey nomads and city slickers who will make the rural roads a living nightmare for any other soul.
You could, of course, fly to Broome but then you’ll need to say goodbye to a beloved kidney or just spend half your trip in a filthy mood as you figure out how many times you could’ve flown to Bali for the same cash.
Top Experiences In Broome
Get bogged at Cable Beach – some say you haven’t truly earned your Kings awning until you’ve miscalculated the tides at Cable Beach and given your 4WD a deep invigorating salt exfoliation it will never forget.
What makes this experience so meaningful is the joy you’ll bring to the locals’ faces as they help you recover your vehicle. Start drafting your fraudulent Marketplace ad as you enjoy a few choice words about what they think of ya. Don’t want to ruin the surprise but you might find the language a bit ripe, ya drongo (More on the bogged life HERE)
Join a local KFC auction – there’s a real buzz in the Broome air when some entrepreneurial spirit arrives from Perth or K-Town with some old, sweaty KFC kept in some kind of insulated box (you’d hope).
Local auctions can see the dirty bird go for well above RRP. Have you ever splashed $250 on a Zinger Box? Well, why not! When in Rome and all that. Although, should you win the bounty it would be advisable to keep a low profile. After all, you just took the zinger burger out of a hungover Broome individual’s mouth. Your safety can’t be guaranteed. (More on the auctions HERE).
Draw some NIMBY Ire By Doofing – backpackers are essential to the Broome economy but not everyone likes it when they blow off a little steam doofing on the beach.
So what better way to experience some authentic Broome NIMBYism than to attend a doof and cop the stink eyes from boomers the next day as you waltz through town the next day dressed like an acid tab that found its way into a Big W Arts & Crafts beginner kit?
Go Full Cougar on a Backpacker – awaken your inner Rhonda from the luxury of your own WA backyard. After all, you’re on your 3rd divorce and full of poolside cocktails at the swanky resort you’re staying at.
If you can’t convince some staff to scratch your itch then you can always get your mutton on as you search for a virile young man-lamb down at The Roey. It’s a free country.
Sunset Photo With The Camels – thought you’d come all the way to Broome and not act like the pathetic tourist you are? Think again bucko.
It’s unclear whether taking a sunset photo of the camels on Cable Beach is a law or just an expected custom for tourists but either way, you don’t want to roll the dice. Get your shot, make it your cover photo on FB, and STFU.
Roll the Dice In The Drink – speaking of rolling the dice, you may notice Broome has shit tons of beautiful beaches. Of course, with such beauty, there is always a price, and the price for these beaches is that you may be sharing them with a semi evolved prehistoric dinosaur.
Should you not pay attention to the seasons then you could be sharing the drink with something even worse. Even if you’ve got a bit of an R Kelly thing going, there are easier ways to get pissed on than an Irukandji sting. Oh, and the urination thing is just a myth, sickos.
RELATED: The Human Zoo – Mr Broome Cup
Fashion Trends
Look, it’s hot but that’s not an excuse for tardy fashion in Broome. One should be kitted out in the finest wardrobe BCF has to offer. You never know when you’ll be invited for a fish or have a chance to display your dazzling incompetence with some off-road action.
Culinary Delights
Nothing better than pairing a red can with a mango you stole from your neighbour’s tree. There is practically a bush chook and a mango tree on every corner in Broome, so really, can someone really own a mango?
Some renegades who moved up to Broome looking for a seachange seem to think so but you’re not in the Kimberley if you didn’t want a little danger!
Testimonials
“I reckon I spent like three times as much as a much longer holiday in Bali but that $250 Zinger Box was just what I needed after a night on the Matso pints” – Terry
“Awesome holiday man, French backpacker girls for the win! Yewwww. Oi you know anyone looking for a low KMs 90 series, one owner, excellent condition, NO salt water exposure? Check out my ad” – Alex (submerged his car on the first day at Cable Beach)
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?